Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
