i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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