i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
