Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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