i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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