i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
