Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
