There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i drank out of a bidet.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
