I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
