did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
