Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
