A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had to cum in my sink.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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