never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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