I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
