Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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