TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
