why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
