i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You're like the curious george of whores
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
