Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
