thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
