Michael Bay diarrhea
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
