I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
