if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
