From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
