Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
God, I missed his penis.
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