What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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