the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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