did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
