Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
