you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
