I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
