I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
