i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Bring me that man meat
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
