4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
