I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
