they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
