oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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