I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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