I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Randomize