Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
