i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
even my farts smell like vagina
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
