Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
