I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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