Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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