We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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