On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
