so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
