We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
