he looks like a really good dad on facebook
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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