Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
