oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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