Just took my morning after pill in the library
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize