Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
