You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
