I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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