She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
