mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
