good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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