I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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