I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
