Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
