Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
