forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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