I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
