I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
