moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
