the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
