so that wasnt chicken after all
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
