I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
