So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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